After what feels like a never ending wait, things are now happening with lightening speed!
Our completed DS-260 document was dropped off on 10/30/14, and our Article 5 was scheduled to be picked up on 11/17/14. I have been oh-so-impatiently waiting for our travel authorization, the final "permission slip" from the Chinese authorities that lets us travel to China to adopt Pearl. Many of the parents in my Facebook adoption groups have been posting about receiving their travel authorizations, choosing their US Consulate appointment dates, and finalizing travel plans, but we have heard...silence.
The agency wouldn't even confirm that the Article 5 was picked up. They just kept saying that they would only hear something if there was a problem. They told me that the travel authorization typically takes 2-3 weeks. Patience was recommended.
Meanwhile, it seemed like every other adoptive parent with a timeline similar to ours was posting that their travel authorization was ready in 6 or 7 days.
To say that I was getting upset and anxious would be the understatement of the decade.
Finally on Monday, 11/24/14, I sent a message to our agency asking if they received our travel authorization ("TA") yet. I figured it's been a week since the Article 5 was picked up and presumably taken by courier to CCCWA, so it should totally be ready. The next day, I received a response that our TA was pending.
Pending.
What the heck?
Is that "pending" as in, ready to go any time now? Or is that "pending" as in, it's nearly Thanksgiving and we plan to put you off until after the holiday weekend? The definition of "pending" certainly was not clear from that message, but the agency representative cheerily informed me that this was "exciting news" (picture air quotes here as you read this, please).
I was not excited. I was impatient. I was worried. I was not happy with my agency. I finally resigned myself to having to wait until next week for the travel authorization. I figured that we would receive the TA Monday and then have to wait a few more days for a US Consulate appointment and then, in all likelihood, we probably would not get to go get Pearl until January.
January! Sigh. But what could we do other than wait? I vowed to show grace for once in my life, but I must admit I spent a sleepless night last night. My thoughts were not gracious.
This morning, I was in a meeting at work and thought I would check my email just to torture myself some more with the lack of progress. And - guess what!!!
OK. It's kind of anticlimactic since I stated at the beginning of the post that things are happening now with lightening speed...
But I'm going to tell you anyway and you need to act surprised and excited!
There was a message from our agency informing us that our travel authorization arrived and - get this! - we have an appointment at the US Consulate in Guangzhou, China, on December 22nd!!
AAAHHHHH!!!! IT'S REALLY HAPPENING!!!
I whooped. Yes, right there in that meeting while someone was talking about something entirely un-whoopworthy. I then had to explain my whoop, which led to much excitement. I then excused myself to call Angry Driver.
I expected enthusiasm. I told him about the TA, the consulate appointment, the need to get a copy of Bean's passport to the agency ASAP, and the need to contact the travel agency to arrange our flights before 4 PM today. Since today is the day before Thanksgiving, everything had to be arranged today or else nothing could be done until Monday.
Angry Driver seemed excited, I guess. Mainly, he just kept saying that he and Bean were at the barber shop waiting to get haircuts, but that there was a bit of a wait so he could just leave and go home and take care of the travel stuff.
"No, no," I said. "Get your haircuts. Just make sure to get this done before 4 PM".
After five minutes of arguing with Angry Driver that he did not, in fact, need to leave the barber shop at that exact moment but could indeed take care of the details after the haircuts in an hour or so (it was only about 9 AM at that point), I finally told him that I had to actually work at work so I was hanging up.
By the time I got back to my office three hours later, I had 4 texts and two voicemails (one on my work cell phone and one on my personal cell phone). They were all from Angry Driver, who wanted me to make various flight decisions. People think that I'm bossy but what they don't understand is that if I don't make decisions, decisions just don't get made.
By 4 PM, the three of us were booked for travel from Blahtown to Beijing on 12/10/14. And 4 of us (!) are booked to fly from Hong Kong back to Blahtown on 12/24/14.
That's right! We are getting the best Christmas present ever: our Pearl!
Now that it is all happening, I'm starting to freak out a little. There is so much to do. We have cleaning, and packing, and organizing. My awesome uncle has agreed to house-sit for our six cats, our dog, and our hamster so we need to help make his travel arrangements. I need lists for my lists!
It still doesn't feel like this is happening in my actual life, but I know that things are about to get very real.
Game on!
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Step 12: The birth of a pearl
A few weeks ago, Angry Driver told me that he was planning to go to the local public library, and he asked if I wanted him to check out any particular books. I asked him to bring me some "adoption books". With that vague instruction, Angry Driver returned home with several non-fiction books on adoption. Currently, I'm reading one of them: 20 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Succeed by Sherrie Eldridge.
Eldridge herself was adopted as an infant and she shares many valuable insights from the perspective of an adoptee. This has been a thought-provoking read for me thus far.
Throughout the adoption process it has been a bit tempting for me to think of our little Pearl as a treasure who will spring fully-formed from the orphanage as soon as we travel to China to retrieve her. However, Pearl is Pearl because of the experiences she has had and the life she has lived thus far. Each and every moment she shared with her birth mother (and perhaps other biological family members), hospital caregivers, orphanage nannies, other children, and hospital staff has contributed another layer to who Pearl is and who she will always be, just as a literal pearl is a pearl because of the layering of nacre over time. Each pearl is a unique masterpiece because of its particular oyster and its individual formation process.
It would be less complicated for me to place Pearl into a fancy new setting (perhaps a ring? or a nice necklace?) and tell her story as, "This is my daughter who was meant to be my daughter, just as I was meant to be her mother."
But that is not Pearl's story, just as a natural pearl does not form in the prongs of a ring or in the stringing of a necklace. And this isn't about me: this is about Pearl. This is about Pearl, whose core formed thousands of miles away with people she may never meet. This is about Pearl, who has had no voice thus far in her own formation process, as layer after layer of nacre forms around that core. She has a genetic history and a birth history. I don't know much about that history and we may never know enough to satisfy Pearl's curiosity but it is still a part of her story. She has a medical history and an orphanage history and a foster home history. She will have a forever family history with us that is yet to be written, and her perspective on the events that are about to unfold will be her own. I will be her forever mother and I will add layers to her life story, but I can no more lay claim to the title of her only mother than a jeweler can boast of creating a pearl by setting it into a piece of wearable art. What kind of mother would I be to her if I can't honor her unique formation process and celebrate who she is now and who she will become?
Adding a child to our family through adoption has been an awesome process so far - and the adoption process is only just beginning, even though it feels like we have been trapped in the conceptualization stage forever. What layers are yet to be added? What will Bean and Pearl look like when they are grown? When we as parents are only memories to them?
Recently, I heard a story from a man who told me of his three children: one adopted, one biological, and one a foster child. All three are young adults now, venturing out into the world. The man told me that one of his children is gliding easily through life and he has few worries about that child's prospects for the future. One other of the children is struggling - struggling with addiction, with mental illness, with the consequences of poor decisions. The father told me that he aches to see this child suffer. He has done everything he can to protect and nurture the struggling child but he is beginning to realize that the parent who cleared the way ahead for an unsteady toddler is not capable of removing obstacles from the path of a wildly careening young adult. He worries for this child and prays for this child, but he knows that there is little else he can do at this point. The third child is at the cusp of adulthood and the father knows that the road ahead is uncertain. He sees this youngest child torn in several directions and he worries that the child will choose a path of heartache and chaos, despite the firm foundation of love and support the family provided.
This was a compelling story to hear and I found myself wondering, which is the foster child? Which is the biological child? Is the "easy" child the adopted child, or is it the one who is struggling with mental illness and drugs? I nearly asked the father and then it occurred to me: it doesn't matter. This man sees all three children as his children. They are all his children and he is the father to all of them. He has three pearls and he has embraced each of their stories and incorporated them into a family story.
He is "all in", as they say.
And, you know what? So am I.
Eldridge herself was adopted as an infant and she shares many valuable insights from the perspective of an adoptee. This has been a thought-provoking read for me thus far.
Throughout the adoption process it has been a bit tempting for me to think of our little Pearl as a treasure who will spring fully-formed from the orphanage as soon as we travel to China to retrieve her. However, Pearl is Pearl because of the experiences she has had and the life she has lived thus far. Each and every moment she shared with her birth mother (and perhaps other biological family members), hospital caregivers, orphanage nannies, other children, and hospital staff has contributed another layer to who Pearl is and who she will always be, just as a literal pearl is a pearl because of the layering of nacre over time. Each pearl is a unique masterpiece because of its particular oyster and its individual formation process.
It would be less complicated for me to place Pearl into a fancy new setting (perhaps a ring? or a nice necklace?) and tell her story as, "This is my daughter who was meant to be my daughter, just as I was meant to be her mother."
But that is not Pearl's story, just as a natural pearl does not form in the prongs of a ring or in the stringing of a necklace. And this isn't about me: this is about Pearl. This is about Pearl, whose core formed thousands of miles away with people she may never meet. This is about Pearl, who has had no voice thus far in her own formation process, as layer after layer of nacre forms around that core. She has a genetic history and a birth history. I don't know much about that history and we may never know enough to satisfy Pearl's curiosity but it is still a part of her story. She has a medical history and an orphanage history and a foster home history. She will have a forever family history with us that is yet to be written, and her perspective on the events that are about to unfold will be her own. I will be her forever mother and I will add layers to her life story, but I can no more lay claim to the title of her only mother than a jeweler can boast of creating a pearl by setting it into a piece of wearable art. What kind of mother would I be to her if I can't honor her unique formation process and celebrate who she is now and who she will become?
Adding a child to our family through adoption has been an awesome process so far - and the adoption process is only just beginning, even though it feels like we have been trapped in the conceptualization stage forever. What layers are yet to be added? What will Bean and Pearl look like when they are grown? When we as parents are only memories to them?
Recently, I heard a story from a man who told me of his three children: one adopted, one biological, and one a foster child. All three are young adults now, venturing out into the world. The man told me that one of his children is gliding easily through life and he has few worries about that child's prospects for the future. One other of the children is struggling - struggling with addiction, with mental illness, with the consequences of poor decisions. The father told me that he aches to see this child suffer. He has done everything he can to protect and nurture the struggling child but he is beginning to realize that the parent who cleared the way ahead for an unsteady toddler is not capable of removing obstacles from the path of a wildly careening young adult. He worries for this child and prays for this child, but he knows that there is little else he can do at this point. The third child is at the cusp of adulthood and the father knows that the road ahead is uncertain. He sees this youngest child torn in several directions and he worries that the child will choose a path of heartache and chaos, despite the firm foundation of love and support the family provided.
This was a compelling story to hear and I found myself wondering, which is the foster child? Which is the biological child? Is the "easy" child the adopted child, or is it the one who is struggling with mental illness and drugs? I nearly asked the father and then it occurred to me: it doesn't matter. This man sees all three children as his children. They are all his children and he is the father to all of them. He has three pearls and he has embraced each of their stories and incorporated them into a family story.
He is "all in", as they say.
And, you know what? So am I.
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