If you had asked me five months ago when we arrived home with Pearl how I envisioned spending our first Mother's Day, a ten minute conversation via Face Time would not have been my response. Yet, that was how I saw Pearl and how Pearl saw me today: on the screen of an iPhone.
Pearl is currently in Ohio with Angry Driver, who I am sure had plenty of apoplectic moments during the eight hour drive to get there. She has a rather specific medical need and is preparing to undergo a complex operative repair or, rather, a revision of the repair that was attempted in China two years ago. They will be away for about two weeks if all goes well.
On the bright side, my Pearl spent what looked to be a beautiful day in the company of her doting father and she is in the capable hands of a team of doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals who know more about her disorder than just about anyone else in the world. Her doctor quite literally writes the books on her condition.
And I had a great day with my now seven year old Bean, who was charming, courteous, and helpful. He even crafted a clay model of his hand cradling a small clay heart as a gift for me. Precious.
I have much to be thankful for and there is certainly joy in my heart, but it still pains me to think of Pearl missing out on a full day of "Mommy Time" after spending so much of her young life without knowing the love of a mother. And after waiting so long for my daughter to come home, I am sad that she isn't home on this particular day.
The miracles of modern technology did allow our family of four to be together in the form of a video chat, though, so it's better than nothing.
Bean and I enjoyed a leisurely morning and then we went on a "date" to the movie theater. Regrettably, movie studios must not think of mothers and their young sons when they arrange cinematic releases, as our only viable Mother's Day viewing choices were Cinderella or The Avengers: Age of Ultron. I decided to let Bean select the film. He chose Ultron.
His selection concerned me a bit since Bean is a sensitive child who loves the Looney Tunes version of violence but doesn't have an appetite for real conflict. Perhaps this is uncommon in this day and age, but Bean has never watched a live action movie of any kind. It is only recently that he has started to express a desire to watch that pinnacle of Boydom known as Star Wars. What ultimately swayed me was his confident declaration of "I'm in the mood for some drama" coupled with his insistence that several of his classmates have seen Ultron, liked it, and suffered no lasting ill effects.
I countered with, "Oh, yeah? Who in your class has seen this movie?"
He responded by rattling off a list of names. Of course, we all know that there are parents out there who will let their kids watch just about anything, but the names he gave me were of good kids with what appear to be involved and responsible parents. OK, I said. Let's go see Age of Ultron. It's PG-13. Everyone watches PG-13 movies these days, right? Heck, when I was his age, my mom let my best friend and me rent Chopping Mall and Children of the Corn. I don't think she even read the titles when she paid for them. I'm a good mom, right? It will be fine.
Just so we are perfectly clear, the aforementioned version of events is exactly how I plan to relate my side of the story to Bean's therapist someday.
Things did not go very well. Let's just say that after an hour of sitting with Bean in his bedroom trying to convince him to go to sleep and reassuring him that he will not have nightmares all night, he is now tucked into my bed, happily snoring away while I type this.
Where do I register for the Mother of the Year Award?
I guess I shouldn't be surprised. James Spader has that effect on everyone.
Many people have asked me why Bean and I are not with Pearl and Angry Driver right now. The answers are many, but a brief summary is as follows:
1) Bean missed a lot of school when we traveled to China and really shouldn't miss more. He would also be a handful in a hospital environment (see previous post detailing the jealousy-fueled tantrum he had when Pearl was vaccinated).
2) Since we do not have any family in the Blahtown area, there is nobody who could stay with Bean if I went to Ohio with Angry Driver and Pearl.
3) All of my paid time off went toward the FMLA leave I took during the adoption so any time I take off from work between now and September is unpaid. For those of you out there who identify as math nerds, the equation looks like this:
Medical Bills + Household Expenses + No income = Not good.
4) No one in his right mind would be interested in watching our dog, hamster, five cats (our sixth cat, Sparky, died a few months ago), our hamster, and our two foster cats (yes, because we apparently didn't have enough of a menagerie, we now are fostering cats for a local animal rescue group) for two weeks. Cleaning litter boxes has become my second full time job.
And there you have it. Bean and I are on day five of our two week intense bonding session and Pearl told me she loves me via Face Time.
We'll get through this, though. I know we will. Keep Pearl in your prayers as she undergoes surgery on Tuesday. And, please, keep me in your thoughts as I try to survive the after effects of Age of Ultron.
That and the carpool.
Oh, and did I mention the litter boxes?
